OdDBaLLiNmEiA's Xanga

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 21:35:21 GMT

HAAAYY go Ate it's ya birthday lol.. I'm glad you found out who that punk was...

That's another thing everyone in our family has in common; we're all so cocky. We get it from our parents. UGhHH.. We've gotten so used to them that we're becoming them. They always lead from one subject to another when we're in trouble, so 9 out of ten times, they win the argument. We go from me throwing up to "What you think you can live on your own now?" We went from me in the bathroom on the phone to "What do you wana marry this guy?" And now we wind up doing it to each other and our boyfriends and our children and on and on we go now.

Finals weren't all that bad, though lately I've decided not to take choir again. Singing isn't my thing. I've wasted 15 years doing it thinking I can. When really, why spend the rest of my life loving and hoping I can do something I obviously really can't? Sigh...That's just one of the bad sides of being spoiled.

My French teacher is..hmm I dunno how to explain... not smart enough for the job...

She gave us a study guide and allowed us one notecard for the final. The final was pretty easy in the beginning, but I really think she made the study guide before looking through the real test. It's pissing the hell outta me. I listed everything I didn't know, and most of the test was the part she never told us to study for. Oh yeah everything was on it EXCEPT::

1. The numbers 1-100 she made us study
2. The colors she made us study
3. The seasons she made us study
4. The days of the week she made us study
5. The months of the year she made us study
6. The descriptions of people she made us study

I could go on. And the worst part of it was that my parents still don't believe the problem isn't me. Honestly, yeah, I talk in class, I'm loud in class. But I follow her stupid rules. I can never hear or understand what she's saying. From what I understand, she failed people for stupid reasons and people still say she's a bad teacher. If my parents really called her, she'd make it sound as if I'm the one who isn't cooperating. She's not teaching right. And what my parents don't understand either is that the only reason she's the French teacher at my school is because they can't find a French teacher. It's so hard to find any. My parents aren't getting it.

Last night ** *** told me to take care of CKay today. I answered "Mmmhmm," as I was getting my stuff out of the room. And from then on, the conversation tangled into "Why do you keep talking like a black girl?! YES ***." I told him "Black girls don't talk like that...white girls do." And still... My *** kept confronting me because I hated my white-washed-trynna-be-black community, and then it was because he thinks I'm trying to act black when:

1. I'm not standing straight [when really my stomach hurts or my feet hurt]
2. When I'm listening to 'rap' [when it's Mariah Carey or even christian which he doesn't care about]
3. When I'm not talking right [it's not my fault my white friends influenced me to say OKAY when I'm mad. and you can't blame me when I'm getting HIT and SCREAMING]

I'm really irritated. Everything we talk about is an argument. It's like he gets jealous at everything, and he doesn't even care about my birthday.

I'm thankful for what he does, I really am, but he needs to quit it.

I'm so spoiled.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 02:30:19 GMT

After watching and reading The Virgin Suicides, the disturbing story rocked my mind.

If someone wrote a story and made a movie about my family... I wonder what they'd say. I wonder what the world would think. It would probably sound a little something like this...

...The oldest was Angela. She had the hardest past with her parents out of the three, growing up to become the smartest most beautiful sister among the rest. The way she put her words together made her sound so brilliant. The way she matched her clothes together made her seem so classy. She was truly a kid at heart. She had a creative mind which expressed itself in everything she did. She sat up straight, walked straight, and had vocals that could take her places.

The middle child was Melissa. She was fat. Her goal was to become a singer, although choked on her first choir final. She had a piece of mind that was somewhat crazy. She really wasn't the prettiest of the three, but hey. It didn't matter who gave their heart to her. She'd take it, and no matter who she 'loves', she never gave up her whole heart to anyone. Half the time she'd be making people laugh, but the rest of the time, all she could do was bitch about how awful her life was. It was true that anyone who loved her must have seen beyond a lot of shit.

The youngest was Charysma, who was one of the favorites out of two. She had the cutest smile with the cutest voice, and a mix of the good and the bad of her older sisters.

Despite their differences, all of them had a short fuse. They'd get irritated easily....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You understand? You see.. if anyone wrote a story about anyone of us, they'd make us sound like people who had seperate powers to make a justice league.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 23:45:27 GMT

Thanx Elizaaa

lol..THANX CHRISTINE AND CHRISTINE FOR THE BALLOONS..

I had a bad one-day-after-birthday.

First.. Lyana BITCHES at me about dumb stuff. I don't really care about her best friend or whatever. I don't even care about Evan. Go ahead go out with Evan.

And theeen... ugh.. i don't know if I should say I screwed up our choir final, or two other people did.

Oh yahh the 7th..REMEMBER.. heh heh.. soo farr its guna bee..for SHORE

stef, jay, erik, lesley, zorana, all themmm at church, hmm lets see hurr.... rochelle christineeeeeeeeeeee who else?!?! i cant recall...

I deleted my Findapix profile because it wasn't worth it.

Kuya and Kuya Raj were right about the low self esteem thinger.

"He's soo sexual!" -- Ania

Hmm now I'm interested in seeing Joan of Ark with Claire Daines in it ever since Ate told me about it.

ania and me and sharon!!

evan dedicated his luv for me for my bday..sigh..i love batman tho.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 05:54:54 GMT

I woke up this morning....

15 YEARS OLD!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEE REMEMBER BALLOONS TOMORROW FOR MY CHOIR FINAL =^.^=

I love my mommy!! She paid for a lunch at Chevy's with my church.. man.. me and lesley and zorana ate the same thing.

THANX mommy for the dvd/cd/mp3 player!! mua yayyyyy
ckay thanx for the gum lol

yehh took my birthday pooey

Aww, today was filled with so many surprises.

It is true that when God won’t let you have something, He has way more restored for you.

This morning, my mom and I had decided to invite my church to Chevy’s for my birthday. My mom paid for the whole thing. We had BABY BACK RIBS ooooh goooshh.. And we had the ooey-gooey-chewy sundae. Zorana and Lesley planned everyone to sing for me three times, but on the final time, the employees at Chevy’s dropped the sombrero on my head by surprise and sang giving us the sundaes. OMGosh. I almost cried it was slightly embarrassing but hey. I’ve always wanted one since fourth grade =^o.o^=. My mom convinced me what she got me was better than an MP3 player, and I couldn’t think about what it was. Surprisingly, everyone else’s guess were closer than mine, and I love mommy for it. It is true. But I need an MP3 player for school =< srry. But what she got me is greater when I’m not at school.

welcome these cool people::

ohn0itsnate <-- nate nate heard so much aboutchu from myas page
MaTtHeW_fEiNeR <-- matts new page
i_Love_PHOking <-- cool kid who saved me first cooool beeeans

If you can't be famous, be infamous. -- Chicago

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 05:25:20 GMT

"Gotta act quickly you and I, we fall in love so many reasons why" -- Amerie

Today I saw Just Married with my mommy and CKay. =^.^=

I forgot to teach everyone who reads my xangurr monsturrr that getting married and being in love means that you realize there's more than just love. Being with someone you love and actually THINK you'll spend the rest of your life with means that you have MORE than love and a friendship, that you go beyond it. You need to realize that you'll be in love SOMETIMES, and sometimes, you just won't. But you have to stay together through it all.

Good stuff huh!

Dear Lord,

are you there? Listenin to my little prayer I don't know exactly what to say. I've been told that you love me, hear me when I call would help me if I fall I should let you have your way. What I guess I'm trying to say is that I need you in my life Cuz I know I'm tired of living in the past. I would like to take a chance on a change down deep inside, I believe that this is one that's gonna last so here's my heart.. Its been broken its been wounded but I'll give it all to you if you will love me. Here's my life if you want it you can have it I will give it all to you because you love me, your love is everything I need.. --Out of Eden

One more day!

Congratulations Anne on your new baby!!!

How is she?!

Yay she was born 2 days before my birthday!!!

I’m soo happy for you!!!

Remember that God loves you unconditionally.. and He gave it all for you. What you see is not always what you get because sometimes you'll get more than you expected. =^.^=

aww MAN I can't believe I forgot..

THANX ATE AND PROFIT FOR THE TREAT YESTERDAY it was great. Really REALLY. Hope we can do it again sometime hah.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 06:01:43 GMT

erik call meee

Damn I thought Along Came Polly would be better.. But thanx Ate and Profit for the treat =^.^=..

TWO MORE DAYS..

Hmm.. looks like I got haturrrzz monsturrrs on my xangurrrr...

FIRST OF ALL... i aint doin the same thing..oh yah im goin to other peoples xangas n leavin random props..WRONGOOO aint me..

SECOND OF ALL.. i was never involved so quit playin wit shit u dunno about kuz i could get more people on you than you could on me

THIRD OF ALL... i aint even on anonymous when i get to that gurls page... whenever YOU PEOPLES get on my page you go as 'anonymous' or 'sup kuzz' i dont wana point fingers or nuffin..but YOU'RE THE ONE AS ANONYMOUS AND IM THE ONE ALWAYS ON MEIA SO UGH

AND FOURTH OF ALL BOBBY DONT EVEN TRY TO TALK TO ME AGAIN KUZ THAT WAS FUCKED UP FOR GIVIN THEM BISHES MAH XANGA SPECIALLY WHEN U DUNNO WHO IT REALLY WAS DAMN

Anyway mmm Lynette's sooo c-u-t-e =^.^=

I'm only mad at PEOPLE.. But I'm not maddd =^.^=

Sigh me and my cocky self.

"Most chicks be chickens" -- Eve

Talkin' 'bout what they wanna do (Reality they can't)
Sometimes I feel bad (Most of the time I don't)
Anything I want
I'ma get it 'cuz I know I need it
It's Evey comin' and I know you heated
Anything I need
Gotta have it, bet I'm gonna grab it
Ain't nothin' better than the satisfaction

Can't beat me join me baby then get to clappin'
Bang it in ya whip to get ya neck snappin'
I know you hopin' that I rest so you can breathe
Stressed when we in the same places 'till I leave
Whisper to they friends what they wanna do to me
Wish they could erase me, take away the air I breathe
And I feed 'cuz that shit only give me hunger pains
Never let you muhfuckas put out my flame
Ready for whatever, was trained to maintain
And I always been a savage 'bout the fame
Separate the girls from the women and the winnin'
Always knew the thrill was worth it from the beginnin'
Baby what's the deal I'm hurtin' 'em how I'm livin'
I gotta conquer it all now the world's my wishin'

Yah so i guess me and bobby are done.

OdDBaLLiNmEiA: fuck that shit..

OdDBaLLiNmEiA: maybe if i never met batman thats how id think love and a relationship should be but pshh damn.

OdDBaLLiNmEiA: batman saves my world and when i take out all my stress on him, he puts it into a little jar and hides it from me.

IEzRa iNtEnTiOnS: umm

IEzRa iNtEnTiOnS: have u been drinkin?

OdDBaLLiNmEiA: eargh EFF U

Friday, January 23, 2004

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 05:14:30 GMT

By the wayy...

THANX Nga for the tape Yahh I'll return it soon dooon't worry.

Man I swear I'm gettin a tumor. NO I'M NOT. My head is hurtin like a duck.

So yah. I'm watchin The Virgin Suicides.

My arm hurts..

Yah I'm glad that Bobby and Erik have settled things down. It's all G in the Heeeee.

Yehh -- TOMORROW Youth meeting AND goin to the movies with ATE yayyy to see Along Came Polly.. Yumm..

3 DAYS TILLLL my birthday ssss ahhh

7th -- PARRRTYYY yehhh.. Can't tell when now shhh. It's a PRIVATE party.

Aww man this is the bad part she kills herself. I'm already getting a head ache.

"What are you doing here? You're too young to know about hating life." [or something like that lol]

"Obviously doctor, you were never a 13-year-old girl."

I think I have a tumor.

The Virgin Suicides -- the title captures it all. I mean, who wants to die a virgin? And these five girls, (well four of them, at least) decided to take their own lives as virgins themselves. They could have finally let go and run away with their dream boyfriends, but they didn't. Instead, when their chance finally turned up, they killed themselves. Whoever told them the truth? The youngest one -- the infamous one, who was like a shadow, killed herself first. Knowing her personality, she could have gone real far. She was smart. And then the second youngest one turned into a raging slut who acted the oldest. These five 'little women', who's innocense showed beauty on the outside, didn't need a tragic lifestory. DANG.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 04:16:08 GMT

BOBBY IM SICK OF YOUR LIES

YOU'VE LIED TO ME BEFORE EVEN WHEN YOU SAY 'IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME FINE' SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL BELIEVE YOU NOW

STOP IT

BE REAL WITH ME THE NEXT TIME YOU TALK

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 00:17:33 GMT

You know who REALLY reminds me of Fresh Prince? PAUL MOON.. loll.. He was crackin me up today in 6th period and iono they just seem alike..

Oh my gosh GUESS WHAT!! LOL.. My project on an Interview with Apollo went on the wall in A Hall with my picctchaaa oohh [puts hands on cheeks].

CONGRATS ANIAAA u just got urself a new bf lol.. Yay for you.

Oh and SHARON.. you pimpin punk loll..

"Did you forget his mama's birthday? She spent the WHOLE month gettin her blood pressure down so we could take her to the house of pork." -- Levita Alize something lol..

Lauryn Hill takes the words outta my mouth.

Mann.. this French thing between me and my teacher is gettin outta hand. She's..ugh.. UGH.. I mean she can be coo at times.. but ugh.. UGH.

We had a sub in math.. YAY got my hw finished.

In choir omgosh.. It doesn't seem all that bad anymore, although I think Anne was getting a little stressed out =X.. Srryy.. I hope you feel better =^.^=

"He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn..

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with"

"Sometimes it seems
We'll touch that dream
But things come slow or not at all
And the ones on top, won't make it stop
So convinced that they might fall"

4 more days

by the waaaayy...

YAY everythings back the way it was. BLACK and WHITE..ugh its like goin back home from tahoe hehe.. I MISSED YOU PAGE!!

oh yehh NEW BIRTHDAY BANNER..tell me if u like it so i can stop worryin bout it.

lol a poem i stole from someones xangurr monsturr...

once there was a boy who had herpes.
he looked diseased.
she slept with him anyway.
now she has herpes

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Wed, 21 Jan 2004 03:54:39 GMT

5 more days.

PARTY

WHEN: FEBRUARY 7

Stupid stuper bowl. Gotta be the week after my birthday.

Oh yeah.. in order to be invited.. you have to ASK.. kicc my chatter box.. because im not guna be askin people online =^.^=

czarina you can come!! if you wana that is..

hmm thats all i can remember online..

Right now for sure who asked me and BETTER GO are::

Lesley, Zorana, Ehh...everyone at church basically haha.. Rochelle, Christine, ANIA AND SHARON IM GUNA KILL YOU TWO IF YOU LEAVE MY PARTY!!.. hmm oh yah erik n raj im guna kill you if u dont go for the stuper bowl.. hmm

My house smells like poo... ugh..